| life? |
[Dec. 14th, 2007|03:13 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
So once I posted some lame entry about how the "pieces of my life were on the verge of falling together, but just weren't", or some such nonsense. Ryan wrote something back to me that I saved because I liked it so much. It was "sometimes the pieces dont fit perfect, and you need to jam them in. then the cardboard peels away from the picture. then once it is finally in there, you realize it was the wrong piece all along. i guess thats either more cryptic than it should be and itll be real hard to figure out, or im just talking about puzzles. in any case, i hope everything works out well.
"If it's not okay, then it's not the end""
I think Ryan is probably my favorite person in the world, and sometimes I forget that for awhile. But seriously, who else says stuff like that? It was perfect.
Well, it's taken a ridiculous amount of time (I'm kinda slow like that sometimes), but I've finally figured it out. Those pieces don't fit together. Every time you start putting a puzzle together, you get a new puzzle, and you spend more time trying to fit the old and new pieces together than anything else. And I'm sick of putting together puzzles. I'm just going to take a nap instead. Screw you life, I'm done trying to make you perfect, and I'm just going to accept you as you are.
On a side note, I really want to go to Italy for a month in the spring, but it costs like $5000, and that would just be ridiculous. Money has never mattered to me, but the more debt I go into, I wonder if that is a good outlook. We'll see. I'll e-mail my dad and we'll see if he can make up his crappy fatherhood with a little cold hard cash.
That's my story.
Quote of the day:
"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity".
-Gilda Radner |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 15th, 2007|05:05 pm] |
When I was around 8th grade, in my angsty time when I thought I had the worst life in the world, I got in a fight with my mother. I remember crying my eyes out and walking out to my back porch, where my dog was. I sat down on the back step, and Bandit walked over to me, and laid his head on my knee, just like he knew how upset I was. I remember telling him "Bandit, you're the only one who loves me!"
Another time, just this last summer, at my brother's graduation party, I was sitting next to my father. Just to be a jerkface, I said to my father, "Bandit is the only male I need in my life". I truly meant that.
Well, the only only one I used to think loved me, the only male I need in my life, died today. Or rather, we put him to sleep.
I only worked a few hours today, because Brandon let me go home early so I could go shopping with my sister before she left for school. Well, when I got home, Sarah told me that Bandit "wasn't doing well". We took him to the vet, who informed us that Bandit had a huge cancerous mass, I think on his spleen (I don't know, I was too busy crying my eyes out to pay attention to the particulars), and that if we had surgery (which he probably wouldn't recover from, it would only add a few weeks on to his life. So my mom and I made the decision that it was time to let him go. I said goodbye, after deciding that I couldn't stay while they did the injection.
So I left him alone, with the nurses to die. In his last moments I was still just thinking of myself, and how upset it would cause me to be to see him die. I already regret it. |
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| Reasons why yesterday was awesome: |
[Jul. 21st, 2007|07:59 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
- Free lunch for being a spac-tacular employee
- Promotion!! I'm officially the newest rides supervisor. Well, at least I will be as of Monday
- Harry Potter!!! I think this one is self explanatory
- There was that one other thing too.. :P
Quote of the day: "People can live a hundred years without really living for a minute. You climb up here with me, it’s one less minute you haven’t lived."
- Logan, Gilmore GIrls
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| yet another useless and random update |
[Jul. 1st, 2007|07:54 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  complacent | ] |
"I've found almost everything ever written about love to be true. Shakespeare said "Journeys end in lovers meeting." What an extraordinary thought. Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that, but I am more than willing to believe Shakespeare had. I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should. I am constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives. It was Shakespeare who also said "love is blind". Now that is something I know to be true. For some quite inexplicably, love fades; for others love is simply lost. But then of course love can also be found, even if just for the night. And then, there's another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. Its called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space! Yes, you are looking at one such individual. And I have willingly loved that man for over three miserable years! The absolute worst years of my life! The worst Christmas', the worst Birthday's, New Years Eve's brought in by tears and valium. These years that I have been in love have been the darkest days of my life. All because I've been cursed by being in love with a man who does not and will not love me back. Oh god, just the sight of him! Heart pounding! Throat thickening! Absolutely can't swallow! All the usual symptoms. "
-Iris, The Holiday
The story of my life. |
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| Updating for the sake of updating |
[Apr. 22nd, 2007|03:39 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | This Side- Nickel Creek | ] |
Wow.
The year is almost over. Hard to believe. I feel like things have just truly started to get good, and now it's over. Don't get me wrong, I'm soo excited to get back to Muskegon and be with those friends, and get back to work, but I'm going to miss the people here at GVSU so much. They're beyond amazing to me. Sometimes I look at all the people in my life and I'm astonished by all of the people who care about me. It just sucks that my life (as well as just about any college student's) is so compartmentalized. I have my high school friends, my work friends, and my college friends. I love them all so much, but I hate that I'm forever leaving one group for another. Oh well, such is life.
I'm done with school this Wednesday. I was originally planning on leaving directly after exams. Then I decided I was going to stay with my friends here until Friday. Now I'm not sure that's going to go so well, so I might just leave after I check out on Thursday afternoon. The moral of the story is pretty much that I have no idea when I'm going to be home to stay. Earliest would be Wednesday afternoon. Latest would be Friday really really late/early Saturday (I'm going to see LONESTAR Friday night!!). Regardless, I'll be home this coming week, and I definitely need to catch up with everybody, so be sure to give me a ring before I get super super busy.
Pray for me, Please?
"Why do I fall in love with every woman I see who shows me the least bit of attention?"
-Joel, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
(Ok, so the whole woman thing doesn't fit me, but you get the point)
Oh, P.S.
I kind of like a boy and I'm really pissed about it. |
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| Dear Life, |
[Apr. 9th, 2007|05:07 pm] |
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I love you. Truly I do. You treat me very well overall. But what is going on this week? I realize that every semester I do this right at the end: the lethargy, the complete lack of motivation, etc. But right now it just seems to be ridiculous. I barely want to move. I sleep whenever I have a spare hour or so.
The only reason I'm doing anything at all for my classes is because the idea of retaking them is so completely repugnant to me. Not to mention the fact that I have the most ridiculous assignments ever coming up. A five minute memorized spanish dialogue with a guy who does not EVER want to meet with me to work on it? Thanks life, thanks a lot.
Even Buck and Pete seem to be having trouble. what would I do if my fish died? They're the only reason I sit at my desk and do homework: because I enjoy watching them frolick together in the water.
I think I've decided that college is over-rated. Perhaps I should drop out of school. I bet I could make it to management at McDonald's pretty fast. Although, I do have a friend that tells me if I want to become management at a fast food chain, Wendy's is the place to go. Maybe that's what I'll do.
So please life, I'm asking you: please give me a little extra energy these last few weeks of school so that I can make it through, and then take like 8 months off!
All my love,
BETSY
"I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later."
-Mitch Hedberg (who, by the way, is THE MAN)
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 22nd, 2007|02:18 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | thoughtful | ] |
I went to RPHS for an assignment. I've had to do three classroom observations this year, and I managed to do the first two at places other than the high school (I did one at Central Elementary, and one at an elementary school in the Muskegon school district). However, this one I had to do in a special ed. classroom, and I didn't know who to call other than Mr. Beckeman.
Walking through the halls between classes was...surreal. I felt very...mature (or maybe old is a better word). It's just hard to believe that two years ago I was walking through those halls, hanging out with friends, worrying about college, gossiping about whatever was going on at the moment. For some reason, I also expected to know people. However, walking through the halls there were very few people I even recognized. What was really sad for me was that I walked by several of my favorite teachers, and none of them appeared to recognize me. Granted, they were probably not expecting to see me, but it was still a little depressing.
I feel like I'm not the person I was back then. I know we're supposed to grow up, to change a little, to find who we really are. But was I so unhappy with who I was? I swore I would never lose touch with those people who mattered so much to me in high school. And I haven't, not really. I still talk to those who matter most to me: Ryan, Mal, occasionally Sarah, and a few others. But it's not the same. I could (and do) go several months without talking to them, and it's not the end of the world. Now my world rotates around others. Will I lose them to time too?
Bah. Too deep for me right now.
On another, more amusing note, apparently I've gone from just plain single to single and horribly desperate. I don't know when I started to put out this vibe, or why, but it's definitely the vibe I'm giving off. I don't even know how many times I've had people tell me I should "hook up" with "so-and-so", that I should date "this guy", that I WILL date "him", that "he" would be perfect for me, etc. For future reference, before telling me these things, make sure that they meet the following criteria 1. That there is a possibility that I would ever date said guy, and that 2. he would not be completely adverse to dating me. It seems like these guys are never meeting these criteria. As a matter of fact, only one guy has even fallen into category 1. Possibilities? We'll see.
"At some point in your life you're gonna have to decide that some guy is worth opening that front door for. I am just volunteering."
-Max, Gilmore Girls |
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| Things I'm Thankful For: |
[Mar. 16th, 2007|10:12 pm] |
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...and that's just today! Life is pretty dang good.
My dad said something to me today that shook me to the core. Sometimes the impossible can actually happen.
Quote of the day: "Adults are, like, this mess of sadness and phobias."
-Mary, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 26th, 2007|06:25 pm] |
Umm...I had no idea. Do we need a license for "boyfriend season"? Does that mean there's an off-season for boys? Is hunting for a boyfriend illegal during the off season? When is the official "boyfriend season"? What does this mean? I think I need the official "boyfriend season" rules.
oh, and P.S. who the hell came up with this, and how ridiculously shallow are they?
Quote of the day: "Sometimes your shallowness is so thorough, it's almost like depth."
-Daria |
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| Dear Chocolate, |
[Feb. 23rd, 2007|07:15 pm] |
I love you. Yes, that is right, I am declaring my love openly. You are amazing. You share my triumphs, you are there for me when I'm having a bad day. You are amazing. The only bad thing I can think of involving you was when Andrew threw you (in the form of chocolate kisses) at me. However, he was drunk, and it was not your fault. I do not blame you.
Now you have come to me in yet another form. You have come to me in the form of the cherry chocolate cell phone, and I love you that way too. Granted I've only had you for like 3 hours, but it has been an amazing 3 hours, has it not? When you dialed my sister for me, I knew it. This relationship was going to be great.
Thank you for all the good times, past, present and future,
Betsy |
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